What is the outcome of Transformational health coaching?

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My first experience with sickness and death was at the tender age of 16.   My stepdad had back pain, like so many times before due to his physical job in HVAC.  He thought he had "pulled a muscle," but one of his lungs  was 3/4 way filled with cancer, and that was causing the pressure/pain in his back.  He was 40 years old.  While most kids were playing sports & hanging witih friends, I was spending my days in hospitals, hoping & praying for a miracle, trying to understand why he was sick, what exactly was happening, and process it in a  teenage brain.

I watched him deteriorate physically, as the lung cancer had spread to his bones and brain.  He was diagnosed in April of 1993 and passed on September 4, 1993, one month shy of  his 41st birthday.

My stepdad was all I really knew as a father and I realize what a special man he was for taking a child, not his own, and loving me anyways.  His death had a vast impact on my life that I wouldn't realize until years later.  My perspective has shifted and the lessons learned can help YOU cope with feelings of the unknown.  

My best friend since 12 years old was a passenger on the 2nd plane that hit the Twin Towers on September 11.  "Steve" was also the person who was my ultimate support system through my step-dad's illness and death.  This was an extrememley difficult experience, full of pain & despair, that haunted me for many years.  I felt an enormous amount of guilt and wondered what he wittnessed before his plane hit the Towers.  Was he scared?  Did he know what was about to happen?  Did he experience pain?

This loss put me in a tailspin, becoming almost "obsessed" with death.  I was always thinking about losing the people I love and willing to do almost anything to avoid it.   This was one of hardest journey's of my life.  Sudden, tragic deaths take a long time to process and overcome  but the lessons I learned will help you get "unstuck" in your journey.

My biological father and mom were never married and he wasn't around a whole lot when I was a young child.  However, when I got my driver's liscense, and able to visit him more often, we developed a beautiful relationship.  He owned a restaurant and I would spend hours there listening to his stories and asking him life questions.  I always felt a yearning to know more about my dad's side of the familily and, with the announcement of his illness, feared I would lose that history forever.  Luckily, once he was diagnosed, he stayed at Mass General in Boston for two weeks before he passed in November of 2010.   I was able to spend time with him everyday during this time and got to know him better than I had in all my years before.  This experience taught me how to find the positive blessings that can bloom between two people when they know death is near.  I learned to be more curious, to listen, and to forgive.  I can teach you how to adopt this mindset.

My mom was the conssistant parent in my life and my best friend. She was an amazing mom who went from a healthly, vibrant, beautiful woman to someone plagued by chronic illness and pain the last 10 years of her life.  

In 2015, mom was diagnosed with uterine cancer.  Treatment:  Cimplete hysterectomy & radiation.  

Next visit- Intestinal cancer.  Treatment: surgery & chemotherapy.  The next doctor's visit  (the following year:): Stomach cancer.   Treatment: Additional rounds of chemo.  Her last PET scan showed the tumors did not respond to her last round of chemo and decided she would suspend any further treatment in December of 2018.

In addition to the multiple cancer diagnosis', my mom was diagnosed and lived with CHF (Congestive Heart Failure), Respitory failure (O2 tank), Type II Diabetes, Hypertension, Obesity, Edema, Autoimmune disorders (including RA), a permanant Colostomy bag after an operation for  Inflammed Colitis, and chronic pain from Scoliosis and a 12-level spinal fusion.  

My mom almost died 8 times in 3 years due to plumoting blood pressure and acute kidney failure.  She walked out of the Hospice House 2x.  She was a walking miracle.  She taught me about how powerful mindseet is when facing the ultimate battles.  I was her caretaker and health advocate which taught me lessons I pass on through my coaching.  I truly understand and can empathize in the pain  a mother's death brings to the soul & how to adapt and overcome the sadness her loss brings.

In 2022, while caring for my MIL in unexpected Home Hospice for two weeks, I experienced things I don't wish upon anyone, yet, everyone should be so lucky.  That time taught me so many things about death and the death process.    She took my fear of death and tossed it by the wayside, setting me free from years of self-torture and inability to heal.  She was a "classic case" of Alzheimer's, diagnosed 5 years before she passed.  My MIL experience each stage of the disease, from the paranoia, to dillusions, anger, inaappropriate accusations,  and eventualy withdrawl from social interaction.  At the time she entered home hospice, she was practically non-verbal and the only two foods she could remember how to eat were french fries and speghetti.

I learned so much during those 2 weeks.  I saw things, did things, and felt things I never thought I would.  I learned how important it is to touch the dying... to comfort the dying in their transistion.  I learned that once the death process begins, there is no stopping it, there is just the ability to "prolong" it.  I understand what it's like to be unexpectedly thrown into a home hospice situation where you are left to coordinate care on your own, while dealing with all the emotions imminent death brings to a family and ways to ease that suffering.

Carol had been in my life forever.  She watched me over the summers, her childeren became my "brothers and sisters."  After my stepdad passed, we were forced to move out of our rented home because the landlords were doubling the rent just one month after his death.  We moved in with Carol and her family for 5 years before my mom could afford something on her own.  The capacity of compassion, grace, love, and empathy knew no bounds with Carol.  She was an extension of God's arm, here on earth.  She had a tremendous impact on who I am today.  Her battle against chronic illness lasted about about 18mos before her body was too tired to keep going.  This loss hit with some regret that I didn't spend more time with her when she entered home hospice.  I believed I 'had more time" to visit, comfort, and love her.  Lesson: There's never enough time.  Don't put things off when it comes to people you love.  Tell them as soon as the thought crosses your mind.  It's the only way to not experience regret.

Carol had been in my life forever.  She watched me over the summers, her childeren became my "brothers and sisters."  After my stepdad passed, we were forced to move out of our rented home because the landlords were doubling the rent just one month after his death.  We moved in with Carol and her family for 5 years before my mom could afford something on her own.  The capacity of compassion, grace, love, and empathy knew no bounds with Carol.  She was an extension of God's arm, here on earth.  She had a tremendous impact on who I am today.  Her battle against chronic illness lasted about about 18mos before her body was too tired to keep going.  This loss hit with some regret that I didn't spend more time with her when she entered home hospice.  I believed I 'had more time" to visit, comfort, and love her.  Lesson: There's never enough time.  Don't put things off when it comes to people you love.  Tell them as soon as the thought crosses your mind.  It's the only way to not experience regret.